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Sebastian: Beatles RMB11 Aug 2003 20:37
one of my dreams has always been to write a story similar to this one but with other bands, the story I mean in in beathoven.com in article section. in this case, what about a queen one?

for those who don't know what RMB is about, it doesn't exist, is a ficticious name for a fiction story of beatles recording, where their defects are shown clearly (e.g. how paul tried to overtake the group, john wanting the whole album backwards, the whole phil spector thing, george and his "whatever pleases you" speech, etc).

my idea for now to the queen thing is a song by roger on which he talks about, of course, youth. maybe we can situe the story in the game/works era, in which they all had "I'm leaving the band" moments.

anybody can suggest me more ideas? contributions welcome
1.PD 11 Aug 2003 20:54
I confess I'm a bit confused now.
For me RMB is the Beatles newsgroup (rec.music.beatles), and I have not heard before about the fiction story. Is there a connection between the two?
beathoven.com is the homepage of Beatles sholar Hammond who is a major poster at r.m.b. and as I know his homepage does not deal with fiction stories, does it?

So you want to write a fiction story about the sessions of the Works era with some nasty/funny dialogs? Beatles has long recordings (partly filmed) of the Let It Be sessions, a nice source of inspiration. Queen "fights" and walk-outs were not (?) archived on tape.
2.Sebastian 11 Aug 2003 21:19
The RMB story is:


Ringo: Where are all the others? I've been playing chess here for six
days straight now.
John: We were in the loo, not having a joint because Paul said we
always recorded straight
Martin: Alright boys, here's the high stools, what's the next
John: We've called it "Are Em Bee"
George: That's a daft name!
John: Well, it's better than the name of some fooking apple!
Ringo: Granny bloody Smith!
George: You can call it what you want, you don't even have to call it
anything at all, what ever pleases you
John: Now Ringo, I've just read here that we directed you in the
things you could play, is that right?
Ringo: Yerrup
John: And that I told you to play on the offbeat because I can't
Ringo: Yerrup
John: Why didn't I tell you to play on the onbeat -- because that
would make even it easier again?
Ringo: You always were daft John, but you've got soul
John: Well, on this track I only want one beat per bar -- but come in
Ringo: It doesn't really matter what beat I play, or words I say
John: Get on! Why not?
Ringo: Well, Paul comes in at night and re-records my drum tracks
John: [whispering] he doesn't really
Ringo:[whispering] he doesn't?
John: [whispering] no, he gets this guy called Bernie to do them
Martin: Alright boys, the red lights on
George: What key's it in. What am I supposed to play?
John: It's a standard blues in E, with the first six bars in 6/8, then
there's a 4/4 section, with the dominant replaced by the bIII (which
is the V of bVI), sliding back to a standard....
John: Oops. Sorry.  Oh Yeh, It's, like, just a twelve-bar, but, you
know, I can't explain it, it's me double off-beats, you'll just have
to pick it up, yeah, you know, like...

[The band plays and stops]
George: Are we going to have a solo or something
Paul: Well, I think...
John: Yes, I'll do the first solo, you do the second George
George: I feel like it will be a dismal solo, can't you get George
Martin to tell me what to play
Paul: Martin, walk over to George and tell him that he's dreary
Martin: That's dreary George, but I'll apologise for saying that in
thirty years time
Paul: John, why don't you change to second verse from "lie" to "die"
John: that sounds okay
[Paul, thirty years later: "yes, well he didn't have any idea where to
go with the song, so I had to finish it off for him..."]
Paul: Could we have two beats in each bar?
George: What for -- I WANTED TO LEAVE
Starr: I'm going to Sardinia to write a song
ALL: What can you write about in Sardinia
Ringo: They have great Calamari there!
[Martin and Emerick leave]
John: Right, they're gone. God, I'm sick of making records -- all
these people, we never get any peace
Paul: How'd that recipe for cookies work out last night George
George: Okay, but I had to use margarine instead of butter
Ringo: Now, about that Russian opening
John: You mean the Kasparov variant
Ringo: Yeh
John: The famous so-called "Pig Move"
Paul: You always were a maneuvering swine Lennon...
[two hours later, Martin and Emerick return]
Martin/Emerick: CAN WE COME BACK NOW!
George: Yes, we've made a decision
Martin: [Fearfully] in what regard
John: We want to put the entire album out backwards
Martin: [relieved] Fine. I was worried you wanted to double track the
George: But, I was next -- WHEN DO I GET MY TURN?
John: I'm not happy with the song lads
Paul: What's wrong with it!
John: You didn't help me, you sabotaged the whole fooking thing!
Paul: You told me NOT to play!
John: Yes, but you could have done that better too!
[Phil Spector walks in with one thousand violin players]
Phil: Where do I take the fiddlers John
John: Down to studio one Phil [whispers] I'll be there soon
Paul: What do you need a thousand violinists for, John
John: Nothing, nothing Paul. Just a backing for Yoko....
[A few hours later]
George: I'm knackered, lads, can't we go home
Ringo: you know we've got to stay put until at least 4:00 AM
George: But why
Ringo: We can't have Lewisohn having us go home at regular hours
Paul: This is Peppertime George
Ringo: You can't George, not until "Let It Be"
[two years later]
Paul: So I suggest we perform naked in an Egyptian Sauna
Ringo: You can't go naked in Egypt Paul, it's not done
Paul: Well, how about on top of  camels in front of the Sphinx?
Paul: Or we could do an underwater show in the Nile
John: Have you ever SEEN the nile Paul
George: I AM, I'M GOING [George leaves]
Ringo: I'd have trouble with the bass drum underwater Paul. The mud.
John: I've got it, we could do it "underwater" at Apple, in the cellar
Paul: That's a daft idea, at Apple? In London?
Ringo: Eh? Where's George
Paul: I think he went to the loo
John: [whispers] Have you got some...
[John, Paul and Ringo leave]


as you see it includes some exagerations (like the thousand violin players), but all in all it's kind of a good way to show true stuff, which wasn't an easy task since it's very hard to resume all those behavior and characteristic from each member (self-involvement for example) in just one fiction song.

in the case of queen I like that early 80s time: john in troubles with brian, roger saving his best songs for his solo album, fred desperate because brian takes so long in a song, everyone bursting to play guitar and keyboards everywhere they can, fred sending roger to a skitrip in order to take radio ga ga by his own and re-arrange it completely... it would be fun anyway
3.BrianMay 12 Aug 2003 07:46
There aren't any songs about members leaving the band, not even in the game/works area. Cause they knew it was a good chemistry between the 4 of them, and that it earned some good money. Ofcourse they got on each others tits once in a while, thats why they took breaks now and then. But that happens in every band
4.Sebastian 12 Aug 2003 14:09
nothing of what you just said is wrong, that's why it's a FICTION story about a FICTION songs with FICTION nasty dialogues
5.BrianMay 13 Aug 2003 20:08
Ah sorry, i didn't understand this topic
6.Sebastian 19 May 2004 17:28
This is a very rough take one of the story. I`m going to describe a whole ficticious session of the HNH Soundtrack and how did they end up abandoning the project:


Record Plant, LA, CA, USA. Roger arrives in the studio and sees Mack:

ROGER: Hey Mack how`s it going?
MACK: Hi, Rog, where were you?
ROGER: You know, Fred sent me to a skii holiday so he could take my song and re-arrange it completely
MACK: Well... he actually gave it to me. He`s so excited about the song he`s writing, he has been all this month in his house working on it and he even got Phoebe to get him some ancient myth books and everything.
ROGER: Is he writing the vocal harmonies in a phonebook?
MACK: No, you know he doesn`t do that. He only did it once and everyone thinks it`s his all-time method for that
ROGER: Anyway, I see someone is playing piano. I guess Johnny is composing, I`m gonna say hi to him
MACK: It`s Brian
ROGER: What? He hardly ever plays! And more to the point he doesn`t get here that early
MACK: But this session is being filmed.
ROGER: Oh is it? ... later (goes to play bass and steal focus)

BRIAN (after he stopped playing): Yes this sounds nice. You know I feel like putting a 40-piece guitar orchestra
MACK: So should I reserve 3 tracks for that?
JOHN: Hi Brian, hi Mack. I`ve got good news. Freddie and I got a contract for a movie soundtrack
BRIAN: Yes I know, that`s why I`m here. You know I have some ideas already, you can write the song for the dance scene, since you are composing songs that have nothing to do with the band... and Freddie can write for that other scene, and I take care of the title track and...
JOHN: NO, that`s enough! First you put the most horrible solos in my songs, then you were so irritable in the Flash Sessions that we agreed to leave you take the decisions. Ratty bring me my bass! Roger get in here!
RATTY: Here it is
JOHN: Thanks.
BRIAN: What`s it for?
JOHN: I vote that the soundtrack must be produced by Freddie, Roger and myself, but not you! I`m putting my foot down (throws the bass away against the equipment)
RATTY (thinking): Oh God! I spent two weeks repairing it from the last time John got mad...

FREDDIE: Hi everyone, I just finished the song. You know, it was just a throwaway (sits and the piano and starts to play it). You like it?
BRIAN: Yes it`s great. Do you already have the solo?
FREDDIE: Yes. It goes like this (plays it in the piano).
BRIAN: It`s nice. Do you mind if I change the last note from this (plays it) to this (plays it)?
FREDDIE: That`s ok (Brian, 20 years later: "Yes Freddie went for it interactively and I wrote all the guitar parts")
ROGER: What about backing vocals?
FREDDIE: Yes I have them too, in fact I think we should record them right away
JOHN: Ok, but before that... can I talk to you alone for a sec? (Brian and Roger leave)

ROGER: What`s going on?
BRIAN: I bet John is singing him one of his songs. You know he doesn`t sing in front of us
ROGER: Yeah... anyway, I have this song for the soundtrack (shows him the demo and they listen to it)
MACK (entering): I think it would sound better with Freddie`s voice
BRIAN: I think so too
ROGER: What? You`re not going to let me sing it? Why?
BRIAN: It`s just that...
ROGER: No I know. You`ve always been jealous of me because of my voice. People adore me when I add backing vocals on stage and when I sing `I`m In Love With My Car`. How many people like your weak voice in `Let Me Out`?
BRIAN (sarcastic): Oh yeah I`m jealous of you, yeah, right. I`m jealous of someone who doesn`t have any of his songs in the Greatest Hits!
ROGER: Oh look who`s talking: the man who declares we`re a band of albums but cries all night about the lack of success of his songs in the charts!
BRIAN: What about `We Will Rock You`?
ROGER: That would be nothing without `We Are The Champions`
BRIAN: You`re just mad because `Fun In Space` was such a flop
ROGER: You`re mad that you had to ask for my help in the vocals of `Starfleet`
BRIAN: Ok enough (gets out some hair-sprayer and is about to put it in Roger`s mouth)
FREDDIE (entering): Ok I just heard John`s song and changed a chord in the bridge. Roger, why don`t you come for the harmonies in my piece?

Recording Room, Roger and Freddie record a five-part harmony together, double tracking each one each part. One month later when the song is released Freddie says: "For that one there was about 170 voices dear".

Meanwhile, John is in the mixing room with Brian and Mack:

JOHN: You know I feel like Freddie`s help with my song should be recognised. So it`ll be credited to Deacon/Mercury
BRIAN (ignoring him): You think fans will love me more if I credit myself in this album as "multi-instrumentist"
MACK: Which instruments?
BRIAN: Well you know, guitar, koto...
MACK (interrupting): Which you recorded note by note because you couldn`t even make a chord there...
BRIAN (interrupting): ...orchestral percussion...
JOHN: Just because you hit a triangle once? That`s ridiculous! It`s like your "piano" credit in Queen II for three seconds in `Father To Son`
BRIAN: ...and the piano piece I wrote today...
JOHN: You played piano today? That`s weird. Oh, by the way, you came early today, what happened?
BRIAN (out loud, laughing): John, you know I`m ALWAYS responsible (looking at a hidden camera in the studio)
JOHN (whispering to Mack): Are they video taping this?
MACK: Yeah
JOHN: Don`t tell Freddie. See ya (goes to the synths and plays one with one hand one with another, then Ratty takes him a photo doing that, and John heads for the drum set and stays there stealing focus too)

FREDDIE (returning with Roger): Yeah, that was nice. Some good screams Rog! Brian, should I put the final touches to the song you wrote a month ago?
BRIAN (nervously): I haven`t finished recording it
FREDDIE: What?! That`s why our albums take so long to be recorded! You last like a year in a song while I do them in one day!
BRIAN: Yeah, right... That`s why you`ve been working your ass off all this time just for that non-sense piece you came with today
FREDDIE: Whether it makes sense or not it doesn`t matter. It`ll be a hit and so the record company will chose it for a single. And you know what? in punishment to you, the video for that song will be just me and all of you will be just extras
JOHN: And when was it different?
ROGER: Yeah you`re always trying to be more focused. Why didn`t you let me sing Rock It on stage?
FREDDIE: You should be grateful that we decided to INCLUDE it at all on the set. You know what? I`ll just do what I always do and so now that I finished my part, I`ll walk away and not know about you for some weeks. Perhaps I`ll go to Japan and shop for fish.
RATTY (whispering): Freddie, this session is being videotaped...
FREDDIE: Really?! Ok, so let`s sit and work, come one get up and record. Roger I want you to repeat that drum part, more strenght, Brian, you don`t have enough rhythm in your guitar, John, for the love of god, stop making melodies, stick to what I play with my left hand! Mack, I think we should use this sampler (points) because it has a better quality and the edition of waveforms is better and...
JOHN: Fred, this is a ping-pong table
FREDDIE: Oh, dear. Let`s don`t present that part on the video

--------- to be continued and revisited --------------------
7.BrianMay 20 May 2004 18:53
Some parts are very funny, Like the ping pong table comment, and the arguement with Brian and Roger about the vocals and so on
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